


I Smile Because I Want To Be Happy

by Crazy_panda_25



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, I'm not good at tags, M/M, Marauders' Era, Sad, Sirius Needs a Hug, Sirius is good at hiding things, sirius can hide from other people but not his friends, the others help him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 11:21:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8443930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_panda_25/pseuds/Crazy_panda_25
Summary: "I smile because I want to be happy, not always because I'm happy." Sirius smiles a lot but not for the reason you might think.





	

 

Sirius Black smiles a lot. Many people think it's because he's happy and sometimes it is. In first and second year, the other marauders thought the same but they soon realised how much their friend was hiding. 

It was James that realised first. He was the first to notice his friend's overly exaggerated smile, his overly loud laugh that seemed too forced to be real. James also realised that this sort of thing happened a lot more after holidays when his friend had gone home to his family. After that, he began paying more attention to Sirius' reactions to small jokes or little pranks and how Sirius' smile sometimes drops for a split second before being replaced quicker than it had disappeared. 

Remus was the next to notice his friends odd after holidays but he tried to ignore it for a bit. But as they say you can't ignore somthing once you've seen it once. Remus can't lie he stared at Sirius a lot more then a friend should do and with that he noticed a lot more of Sirius mood changes. Sirius can be laughing and playing pranks one minute and battling to keep his smile in place the next. Remus also noticed that James could see it too.

The two of them began asking Sirius about his holiday but the answer always was "nothing much" before he started asking the others the same question. James and Remus couldn't help but feel worried about this answers though. Together James and Remus sent Peter to get some food from the kitchen with the order to take his time while they talked to Sirius.

 

"What's with the 'take your time'?" Sirius asks, smirking, "trying to get poor Peter out the way for somethin'."

"You could say that," James answers, sitting next to his friend on Remus' bed.

"That's very ominous," Sirius says, cocking his head to the side a lot like a dog.

"Not really, we just want to ask you something," Remus says, sitting on the end of his bed.

"You couldn't do that with Peter here?" Sirius asks, a confused smile on his face.

"Yeah, I guess we could have," James admits, glancing at Remus.

"We just want to ask about the holidays," Remus says, watching as the smile on Sirius' face drops slightly.

"You've already asked," Sirius says, glancing between his two friends.

"And you didn't give us a proper answer," James says, holding his hand up when Sirius goes to speak, "and nothing much isn't a proper answers."

"You act differently after the holidays, Sirius," Remus says, with that they see the shock and almost fear on their friends face.

"N-no I don't," Sirius says, getting off the bed suddenly.

"Yes you do, you know you do," James says, watching his friend carefully.

"Even if I did how would that be any of your business," Sirius says, his stance and voice defensive.

"We're your friends," Remus answers, "and we're worried about you."

"Well don't worry about me, I'm fine," Sirius almost shouts.

"Why're you getting so mad about it then?" James pushes, worried.

Sirius just glares at James before leaving the dormitory very quickly.

"What wrong with Sirius?" Peter asks, confused.

"That's what we're trying to find out," Remus answers, exchanging a worried glance with James.

 

Leaving Peter to copy Remus' transfiguration homework. James and Remus put the invisible cloak over themselves before leaving the common room in search of Sirius. After looking round the school for a bit, they find him in the astronomy tower looking out into the star filled sky.

"Am I that predictable?" Sirius says, not looking round at them.

"Wasn't the first place we looked to be honest," Remus answers, as the two of them sit either side of their friend.

"I am fine, you know," Sirius says, after a few moments of silence.

"You don't need to lie to us," James says, softly.

"But I do, James, you don't understand, neither of you," Sirius says, still staring into the sky.

"Then help us understand," Remus says, looking up at the sky as well.

"I smile because I want to be happy," Sirius answers, running his hand through his long black hair, "it sounds stupid, doesn't it?"

"Not really," James replies, watching his friend closely, "but why aren't you happy?"

"Because my whole family hate me," Sirius answers, looking down at his hands, "and I shouldn't care because they always have."

"I'm sure they don't hate you," Remus says, softly.

"To use the cruciatus curse, what do you need to do?" Sirius says, looking at Remus now.

"You need to...hate the person your doing it too," Remus says, his eyes widening in realisation.

"Top of the class," Sirius says, sarcasticly, looking back up to the sky.

"They-they've used the..." James says, shocked.

"Cruciatus curse on me, yes," Sirius says, shaking his head.

"That's-that's illegal," Remus says, looking at James.

"The ministry don't care what pure blood families do to their children, Remus," Sirius answers, "they're to scared of what powerful families can do and the Blacks are one of the most powerful families left."

"That doesn't make it right," James says, concerned.

"They're dark wizards, James, do you really think they care what's right or wrong," Sirius says, letting out a humourless laugh.

"You could come stay with me, my parents love you so they wouldn't mind," James says, hopefully.

"I'm not their problem, James, and its only a temporary solution. I'll always have to go back and if I put it off it'll only be worse for me," Sirius says, sadly, "thanks, though."

"You don't need to pretend in front of us, we might not be able to solve the problem but we can help you through it," Remus says, softly.

"I'm pretty sure Peter will be wondering why we abandoned him," Sirius says, getting up carefully.

"It'll take him hours to finish that transfiguration homework even with Remus' to copy," James laughs.

 

With that the three of them made their way back to the Griffindor common room. Remus and James kept their promise and helped Sirius through everytime hehad to go home for the holidays.

 


End file.
